A husband should not insult his wife publicly, at parties. He should insult her in the privacy of the home.

If you wonder which is the stronger sex, watch which one twists the other around her little finger.

Somebody has said that woman's place is in the wrong. That's fine. What the wrong needs is a woman's presence and a woman's touch. She is far better equipped than men to set it right.

If you are a police dog, where's your badge?

A wet dog is lovingest.

Let me be the first to admit that the naked truth about me is to the naked truth about Salvador Dali as an old ukulele in the attic is to a piano in a tree, and I mean a piano with breasts. Senor Dali has the jump on me from the beginning. He remembers and describes in detail what it was like in the womb. My own earliest memory is of accompanying my father to a polling booth in Columbus, Ohio, where he voted for William McKinley.

There are two kinds of light - the glow that illuminates, and the glare that obscures.