I feel like the American people are being lied to and manipulated. President Bush is trying to force 9/11 and Saddam together.

There's been times when I have actually had sex indoors. And then you kind of sober up a little when it's over. I become like a bartender at 2 AM. OK, people, let's move it out! Yeah, you don't have to go home but you can't stay here.

When I see guys in bars wearing the real fitted kind of Calvin Klein v-neck t-shirts I just want to go up to them and be like, 'Oh, do you work out? Your tricep looks so great - thank you.'

I guess intractable right-wing ideologues are my mortal enemy.

You know, I've had Botox. The woman who does it is very good, obviously. Very conservative.

Granted, not really a joke, but how often do you get a mic in your hand? You know? So. I am sorry but don't anybody trip on my soap box on the way out. Don't anybody trip over that. And the chip on my shoulder's a little heavy. I have back problems now.

The world would be better off with multiple superpowers. When Communist USSR was a superpower, the world was better off.