We got married drunk in Vegas . . . We dated for a year, and we got married at a drive-through chapel in a cab. [We thought] you have to go down to the courthouse and sign papers and stuff, so who knew? We were married, and apparently now that [Rob] is getting married for real, his lawyer dug up something.

I think I failed miserably on NewsRadio. I was very nervous because of the caliber of the cast - especially Dave Foley - so I think I did a terrible job.

You young people with your twittering and your creating of content. Or what is it - queefing? I don't know what you young people are calling it.

I can't wait for the next fad though, and I predict it's going to be Pennsylvania dutch culture, very Amish. It's going to be bonnets and butter churns.

Sex is the quickest way to ruin a friendship.

For my stand-up, I always have my notebook with me and if something strikes me, I'll write it down.

I don't know that I would need to be famous as a Middle East policy expert to see that unilateral imperialism is bad policy.