I'm done with men. I have a hamster. That's all I need.

My body is not designed to run. My body was designed to sit in an expensive care and drive.

Get me a gun. If I don't go into labor soon, I'm going to shoot myself. And pass the gravy. Pass it now." Valerie - To the Nines

I buy wine according to the bottle design. After I get down the first glass it all tastes okay to me so I figure you go for something classy to look at on the table

You don't even need to go to college no more because you could learn how to do everything on YouTube.

I knew there were no such things as death cooties. Unfortunately, that's an intellectual fact. And death cooties are an emotional reality.

Well, sure, but I don't bring God into it. I think shower massage might have been invented by the devil. God invented the missionary position.