All the birds love Touche Eclat. It's a (concealer) pen that gets rid of eye bags. But I'm quite happy otherwise. I train a lot.

I do jump behind the bar when we're really busy, but by that point I've usually drunk too much to work.

When I was 17 me and my friend had mopeds. We used to play a game where we would close our eyes and drive while counting to the highest number we could. Once I got to eight, and that was pretty much the most stupid thing I've ever done in my life. I ended up on the other side of the road.

My friends decided to open a pub and asked me to be part of it. The day-to-day running is something I know little about. Luckily, I'm the demented figurehead, a kind of mascot. I get all the good stuff - like free pork scratchings - without any of the bad stuff.

A lot of pubs in London are now faceless, expensive yuppy bars. Not like when I was growing up. The pub used to be, and should be, the pillar of community.

Strange people like chefs, musicians, and politicians affect me.

I'd tax the Daily Mail [if I were a Prime Minister] so high no one could afford to buy it. I hate that paper, I think it's really vicious. I picked one up the other day and every single page is about hate. It's just so negative.