It took me ten years and seven books to bag an agent - it took me that long to start writing good.

Ill-fitting grammar are like ill-fitting shoes. You can get used to it for a bit, but then one day your toes fall off and you can't walk to the bathroom.

I still feel threatened by academics, but my books have a lot of academic in-jokes and everybody assumes I went to university and studied English.

Cash is always the deciding factor in such matters of moral politics; nothing ever gets done unless motivated by commerce or greed.

There's something rotten in the state of Denmark, and Hamlet says...it's payback time!

Dead. Never been that before. Not even once.

Comedy was one of those genres that while appearing quite jolly was actually highly dangerous.