You know what the reward is to capture Saddam. You don't even need to capture Saddam, just say where he is. It's $25 million. This is what I love about our priorities. We spend $25 million trying to get rid of Saddam Hussein. The Republicans spend $50 million trying to get rid of Gray Davis. It doesn't seem quite right.

According to a survey in this week's Time magazine, 85% of Americans think global warming is happening. The other 15% work for the White House.

President Bush called Arnold to congratulate him today, and after he got off the phone, Arnold said, 'I thought my English was bad.'

The crime problem in New York is getting really serious. The other day the Statue of Liberty had both hands up.

What's going on with the Oakland Raiders? You know, I don't want to say the Raiders are bad, but you know, now, a lot of fans are painting their faces just so they won't be recognized.

Homeland Security Chief Tom Ridge raised security alert to a code red. Apparently Howard Dean has escaped. Did you see Dean's crazed speech the other night, yelling? I see why his wife won't campaign with him. In fact, Dean has a new slogan: 'Aaghhhh.'

The Obama administration has admitted that under Obamacare, you might not be able to keep your doctor. At first the president guaranteed you'd be able to keep your doctor, and now they're saying you 'might' be able to. Today Obama changed his slogan from 'Yes we can' to 'Perhaps we could try. Can't promise anything.'