It's just a matter of time before we go into Iraq and get Saddam Hussein. I think just before Bush falls below 50 percent, that's when we'll be going.

The good news is, President Obama was born in America. The bad news is, so was Donald Trump.

John Kerry said today he wants to debate President Bush once a month. Hey good luck, if Bush couldn't make it to the National Guard once a month, he's not going to show up for this.

Forty million Americans smoked marijuana; the only ones who didn’t like it were Judge Ginsberg, Clarence Thomas and Bill Clinton.

There are now reports that President Obama will name Massachusetts Senator John Kerry to be the next secretary of defense. Apparently this is part of America's new defense strategy to bore our enemies to death.

I've lost some weight. I am on that new Obama diet. Every day I let Vladimir Putin eat my lunch.

As you may have heard, former President Bill Clinton says he's coming here to California to help Governor Gray Davis in his recall election campaign. Which is ironic, isn't it? When Clinton was president, he couldn't recall anything.