In his first speech as Speaker, Boehner thanked his loved ones - tobacco lobbyists, the oil companies, the CEOs.
Jay LenoThe Catholic Church is still very angry about The Da Vinci Code - they don't like anything that makes more money in a weekend than they do.
Jay LenoWe are in a code orange. Homeland Security said earlier today that everyone should have a roll of duct tape and plastic sheeting to protect your house in event of terrorist attacks. Who came up with this idea? MacGyver?
Jay LenoWhen you do late-night TV, you do different jokes in the same place every night. When you're on the road as a comedian, you do the same jokes in a different place every night.
Jay Leno