More bad news for the Taliban. Remember how they are promised 72 virgins when they die? Turns out that it's only one 72-year-old virgin.

If I could ask Ken Lay one question right now, do you know what it would be? "Does the Devil really wear Prada?"

I've lost some weight. I am on that new Obama diet. Every day I let Vladimir Putin eat my lunch.

The nation's largest savings and loan, Washington Mutual, has become the biggest bank failure in history. See, the problem with the savings and loans? Not enough savings, too many stupid loans, okay In fact, they changed their name from WaMu to 'screw you.'

It's just a matter of time before we go into Iraq and get Saddam Hussein. I think just before Bush falls below 50 percent, that's when we'll be going.

The first Olympic Games were held in 776 BC. Do you know who lit the flame? Betty White.

President Obama told a group of school children that broccoli was his favorite food, and they believed him. Then he told them Obamacare would reduce the deficit and the kids all busted out laughing.