At the airport if you refuse to be patted down, they arrest you. And what's the first thing they do when they arrest you? They pat you down.

In business news, chocolate maker nestle is buying Jenny Craig. Well, that says it all you need to know about the war on obesity, doesn't it? It's over! Apparently we surrendered!

The Senate voted 97-0 for an anti-spam bill to stop those annoying things you get on your computer. The senators made it very clear that when you start misleading the American people and start taking their money over false promises, that's our turf, buddy!

Form 1040 was chosen by the IRS because for every $50 you earn, you get 10 and they get 40.

The first Olympic Games were held in 776 BC. Do you know who lit the flame? Betty White.

Donald Trump says that he will not run for president. You know why? He can't find his birth certificate.

For the first time in history, sex is more dangerous than the cigarette afterward.