The University of Nebraska says that elderly people that drink beer or wine at least four times a week have the highest bone density. They need it - they're the ones falling down the most.

Anyway, a spokesman for Barack Obama says the prisoners that are released from Guantanamo will either be sent back to their home countries or enter the New York City cab driver training program.

President Bush said global warming is happening much quicker than he thought, and then his staff pulled him aside and said 'It's just springtime.'

The latest report is that Osama bin Laden has shaved his beard, is wearing Western clothes and has had plastic surgery. Isn't that amazing? The guy has made just two videos and he's already gone Hollywood.

Heating bills this winter are the highest they've been in five years, but President Bush has a plan to combat rising bills. It's called global warming.

Anybody who gives their car to a valet isn't a car guy

Here at work, obviously, I make the most money of anyone on the show, so I try to be the first one here and the last one to leave. I have the crummiest office. I try to balance things out, spread it around.