There's a new Osama bin Laden video. He's the only person that is looking thin during the holidays. How does he do it? I think he's going to Jenny Craig.

Attorney General John Ashcroft has been hospitalized. I believe he is suffering from homophobia. No, actually, it was just gallstones, but when they gave him the hospital gown that opens in the back, he refused to wear it, he thought it was a gay wedding dress.

Anheuser-Busch gives two free cases of beer to its employees at all of its parks, like Busch Gardens. That's a comforting thought the next time you're getting ready to get on the roller coaster!

Show business pays you a lot of money, because eventually you’re gonna get screwed.

Yesterday morning Facebook was temporarily offline, leaving millions of workers unable to do anything except their jobs.

If God doesn't destroy Hollywood Boulevard, he owes Sodom and Gomorrah an apology.

Statistics show 50% of the people use the internet. The rest have sex with real people.