There's a new Osama bin Laden video. He's the only person that is looking thin during the holidays. How does he do it? I think he's going to Jenny Craig.

Astronomers have discovered a planet that is twice the size of earth and made of diamonds. President Obama says the planet may be inhabited by aliens not paying their fair share.

In an exclusive interview with the Christian Broadcasting Network Donald Trump said "I believe in god." But of course The Donald was talking about Himself.

There's this big pie in show business, and you physically can't eat the whole pie. If you give everybody a slice of pie, you will still have more than enough. The real trick is not to try to get the whole pie, but to keep the biggest slice.

Scientists think they can now clone an all-white zebra. Now, I'm no expert, but isn't that a horse?

If President Obama really wants to hurt the Syrian government, don't send cruise missiles. He should send over some of his economic advisers.

President Obama has begun a three-state bus tour. I believe the three states are: Confusion, Delusion, and Desperation.