If God doesn't destroy Hollywood Boulevard, he owes Sodom and Gomorrah an apology.

Last night, we had the first gubernatorial debate. Some people are criticizing Schwarzenegger for not going. They say Arnold goes around telling people he cares, everything is going to be great, forget about everything he did in the '70s. Hey, it worked for George Bush.

Now, today is the day we honor, of course, the Presidents, ranging from George Washington, who couldn't tell a lie, to George Bush, who couldn't tell the truth, to Bill Clinton, who couldn't tell the difference.

President Obama told the Irish people that America will always stand by them, to which Israel laughed.

The good news is, President Obama was born in America. The bad news is, so was Donald Trump.

Iraq began destroying those missiles they don't have over the weekend. See, President Bush may be the smartest military president in history. First, he gets Iraq to destroy all of their own weapons. Then he declares war.

Another air traffic controller fell asleep on the job, but he had a good excuse. He was watching President Obama’s deficit speech.