With Halloween coming this weekend, they say not one person in the country is planning to dress up as Governor Sarah Palin. You know why? ... The costume costs $150,000.

When President Chirac gave [President] Bush a souvenir statue of the Eiffel Tower... Bush said 'This is great! A little oil rig!'

I don't know why people are surprised the French don't want to help us get Saddam out of Iraq. After all, France wouldn't help us get the Germans out of France.

President Clinton says he looks forward to the day a citizen can call the IRS and get the right answer to a question. I look forward to the day I can call the IRS and get a voice that says, 'Sorry, that number has been disconnected.'

Over 6 million people were evacuated from New Jersey ahead of the hurricane. And now, three of them have gone back.

Today is April 1, April Fools' Day, a day that people try to fool their friends and relatives. Don't confuse that with April 15, when people try to fool the IRS.

Some sad news, President Bush's lapdog passed away. Gee, I didn't even know Tony Blair was sick?