The United States have developed a new weapon that destroys people but it leaves buildings standing. It's called the stock market.

The FDA is now warning people not to eat raw cookie dough this holiday season. Is that how fat we're getting in this country? Our ovens are too slow now?

At the G-20 summit, the White House accidentally listed a phone-sex line for journalists seeking an on-record briefing call for Secretary of State Hillary Clinton. To which Bill said, 'Boy, did they get the wrong number.'

I believe engineers will save the world.

President Bush says he has just one question for the American voters, 'Is the rich person you're working for better off now than they were four years ago?'

Senator Kerry recovering very nicely after having shoulder surgery. The doctors said the senator was fully awake, lucid and joking after the surgery was done, but cautioned that that was just the drug. He went back to his boring self soon afterward.

When Clinton said he was going to create 8 million new jobs, I didn't think they were all going to be tax collectors.