We're fighting three wars now. Imagine how many we'd be fighting if President Obama hadn't won the Nobel Peace Prize.

The best way to ruin a comedy is to throw a lot of money at it.

One thing about mildly dyslexic people - they're good at setting everything else aside to pursue one goal.

They always say the Miss America Pageant isn't a beauty contest, it's really a scholarship program. If that's the case, why don't we just put all the contestants on 'Jeopardy!' and pick Miss America that way? At least you get the smartest one.

Today the Justice Department released e-mails where Walker criticized America. In the e-mails he said he never wanted to set foot in America again. See, that's the good part about hanging somebody. Their feet don't touch the ground.

Did you know that 10% of all Americans have not had sex in 5 years? I didn't know there were so many Republicans.

Heating bills this winter are the highest they've been in five years, but President Bush has a plan to combat rising bills. It's called global warming.