We live in what's called an open society, which of course means they open our emails, open our phone records, and open our medical records.

The Environmental Protection Agency is conducting a seven-hundred-thousand-dollar study to see if Alaskan trees are polluting Oregon forests. You can tell Republicans are in power. Pollution? It's those damn trees.

Don't forget Mother's Day. Or as they call it in Beverly Hills, Dad's Third Wife Day.

U.N. weapons inspectors found empty chemical warheads in Iraq. So, the question everyone is asking now is how did Sean Penn miss this?

If there isn't a parking space out front or I can't see my car from the window, we're eating somewhere else.

The big rumor going around is, we may begin bombing Iraq. Or, as the White House calls it, Operation Keep Enron Off The Front Page.

Show business pays you a lot of money, because eventually you’re gonna get screwed.