You know what you call the two winners of that $580 million PowerBall lottery? ... Former Democrats

The price of oil is rising because of all the unrest in the Middle East. And the unrest in Wisconsin is causing the price of cheese to go through the roof.

If I could ask Ken Lay one question right now, do you know what it would be? "Does the Devil really wear Prada?"

Soup is just a way of screwing you out of a meal.

Now, I have a Halloween mask I think you might get a kick out of. That's scary.

Alaska Governor Sarah Palin pardoned a turkey, though she said she was amazed to find out that, besides being a bird, Turkey is also a country. Did you see that all over the Internet today? While Sarah Palin was pardoning a turkey, right behind her was a guy slaughtering turkeys. But, see, like most Internet stories, a little half-true. Turns out that, after a couple of minutes listening to Sarah Palin's voice, the turkeys said 'Kill us now.'

Last week convicted Enron crook Ken Lay died of a heart attack. They announced they were going to cremate him. Where he's going, why bother?.