They say John Kerry is the first Democratic presidential candidate in history to raise $50 million in a three-month period. Actually, that's nothing. He once raised $500 million with two words: 'I do.'

I didn't realize it was October until I saw the Chicago Cubs choking.

Congress voted for tougher laws on corporations. So now when a corporation buys a senator, they need a receipt.

Republicans are calling the Bush-Cheney ticket the 'Wizard of Oz' ticket. One needs a heart and the other needs a brain.

If you don't want your dog to have bad breath, do what I do: Pour a little Lavoris in the toilet.

People don't mind if you have a lot of money if they know you're working for it.

It's cold out. It's even cold in Florida. So cold today that Katherine Harris put on a third layer of makeup.