We've got the government shutdown, but the beginning of Obamacare. You know what that means? You can now complain to your doctor about the government making you sick.

This week the White House proposed fingerprinting and photographing foreign visitors so they can do background checks. Officials in Saudi Arabia said this will only increase anti-American feelings in the Mideast. Is that possible? Gee, you hate to have people dislike us for no reason. Things were going so well.

"I am not just another notch on your belt?" she asked him. "Of course not." he said as he put a mark on the chalkboard.

Courtney Love said she once escorted Kerry to a concert. John Kerry once went out with Courtney Love and he's questioning Bush's judgment.

Bush is smart. I don't think that Bush will ever be impeached, 'cause unlike Clinton, Reagan, or even his father, George W. is immune from scandal. Because, if George W. testifies that he had no idea what was going on, wouldn't you believe him?

You know, something like 90 people who have now filed to run for governor in this recall election. They say there could be as many as 200 people on the ballot. You know, it's really easy to run here in California. All you need is like a couple of signatures, not many, thirty-five hundred bucks, you're on the ballot, like that. I mean, what does it say about California? We have stricter requirements to get on 'American Idol' than we do to run for governor.

Paris Hilton got 45 days in jail. A lot of people were upset about this - they were hoping for the death penalty.