Jesse Jackson's in trouble. They're going after this tax thing. Jesse said he will amend his taxes to show the money that he paid to his mistress. See, he has just one mistress. Jesse uses the standard mistress deduction. As opposed to Clinton, who had to itemize.

You can't stay mad at somebody who makes you laugh.

President Bush says he has just one question for the American voters, 'Is the rich person you're working for better off now than they were four years ago?'

Here's an interesting figure: 43 percent of the incoming congressional freshmen are millionaires. The other 57 percent are Democrats.

The Kinsey Institute says gay men have bigger sex organs. Hence the origin of gay pride.

Statistics show 50% of the people use the internet. The rest have sex with real people.

Have you seen the cover of Newsweek? They have Martha Stewart on the cover, but it's not actually Martha. It's a doctored photo. They put Martha's head on a slimmer woman's body. And Martha was very upset about this. She said, 'Hey, if I wanted my face on another woman's body, I'd stay in prison.'