President Bush was in Los Angeles yesterday where he announced his new campaign theme - “Safer, Stronger, and Tested.” Isn't that a condom ad?

Arnold Schwarzenegger made his tax returns public, [and] now there's a problem about him stretching the truth. Apparently under occupation he put down 'actor.'

Dean is a doctor but he acts more like a postal worker!

9% would give up sex for the remote control. 91% has already given up sex for the remote control!

Now there are more overweight people in America than average-weight people. So overweight people are now average. Which means you've met your New Year's resolution.

According to The Washington Post, the NSA has been monitoring phone calls and emails of people in Mexico. So apparently it's not enough to spy on American citizens, they feel they have to spy on FUTURE American citizens as well.

Men are liars. We lie about lying if we have to.