As you know, several times, McCain talked about serving his country in Vietnam, which is a nice change after 16 years and two presidents who could never quite explain how they got out of serving their country in Vietnam.

Homeland Security Chief Tom Ridge raised security alert to a code red. Apparently Howard Dean has escaped. Did you see Dean's crazed speech the other night, yelling? I see why his wife won't campaign with him. In fact, Dean has a new slogan: 'Aaghhhh.'

Jack Abramoff is going to testify against some of the other weasels in Congress. A lobbyist testifying against congressmen? How many Bibles are going to burst into flames in that courtroom?

You could do anything in your room at college. You could smoke pot, live in a coed dorm, have a girl. But you couldn't have a . . . hot plate!

You can't stay mad at somebody who makes you laugh.

Rick Perry has made so many gaffes lately, it is hard to tell if he's running against President Obama or Joe Biden.

President Obama’s approval ratings are so low now, Kenyans are accusing him of being born in the United States.