President Obama and House Speaker John Boehner have agreed to play a round of golf together. Imagine the two of them at the end of that golf game? Boehner will be crying over his score and Obama will be giving three explanations as to why his score is actually better than it appears.

I've lost some weight. I am on that new Obama diet. Every day I let Vladimir Putin eat my lunch.

Like in [the 1950s] if you wanted to ruin someone´s career in Hollywood you claimed he was a Communist. Nowadays, you want to ruin someone´s career in Hollywood, you claim they are Republican.

More and more details coming out now about spoiled rich kid Osama bin Laden. Time reports this week he was one of 52 kids. Mother must be exhausted. This guy inherited $80 million at age 13 and has since expanded it to $300 million through construction, smart investments and gas and oil investments. This way, he can use the money in his war against capitalism.

Financial experts are saying we are entering a new chapter in the American economy. I believe it's Chapter 11.

Marriage is grand. Divorce is about twenty grand.

Six women have come forward that say Arnold Schwarzenegger groped them without their consent. This proves he would be a hands-on governor.