I was going to come in and push you down the stairs.

My run is so weird. That's what I'm most nervous about in this whole ordeal. I'm most nervous about everybody making fun of the way I run. I do, like, karate hands. Instead of running with my hands closed together like a normal person. It's like I'm trying to be aerodynamic or something, so my hands are straight like razors. Karate hands.

I think that people are built the way that they’re built. There’s that Kate Moss quote that’s like ‘Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels’ and I can name a lot of things that taste better than skinny feels: bread, potatoes … a Philly cheesesteak and fries.

As soon as somebody farts around me, I think it's hilarious. This is something my brothers did that now the boys at work are obsessed with. You cup it, and then you throw it in someone's face and say, ‘Take a bite out of that cheeseburger!'

You don't go your whole life without laughing. It's just life.

I feel like I got a ticket to go to another planet and I'm moving there and there's no turning back, and I don't know if I'm going to like that other planet or have friends there.

I love Photoshop more than anything in the world!