My philosophy of dating is to just fart right away.

I'm the worst person to tell anybody how to date.

I'm not a sex symbol.

If you ask 99.9 percent of parents who have children with autism if we'd rather have the measles versus autism, we'd sign up for the measles.

Sometimes I think marriage licenses should be like driver's licenses. They expire after a number of years, and in order to keep going you have to renew. Wouldn't that be kind of genius? It would force you both to look at the relationship, and if it's not working, the marriage would expire so you could go on your merry way, or on the positive side of it, you could look at each other and say we really want to renew. What a way to keep it fresh!!

All those girls who were mean to me[in high school], I pay them back by going through the drive-through window and asking for my burger. That feels really great.

The first time I punched in my name and saw how many sites there were, I thought, that's scary. I got too involved where I got worried and panicked and tried to stop it. But you know what, if I just let it go and not worry about it, then it will be fine. Because it's all about how it makes me feel and I was letting it get to me.