I deserve to be happy and I think a lot of people stay in relationships for wrong reasons and instead of just looking at each other and just saying, 'you know, it's like sands of the hourglass, we learned our lessons, we can end in war or we can end in peace.'

Waking your kids up for school the first day after a break is almost as much fun as birthing them was.

I have my once-a-month nachos, but it's soy cheese and turkey chili on it, so it's somewhat safe. But it's still a big vice for me, because I have a big bowl of it.

Marriage is a pretty amazing thing when you think about it. For two people to live together for so long under the same roof is a big accomplishment. Fifty-year anniversaries are becoming extinct, yet again proving that long marriages deserve awards and praise. Sometimes I see old people in restaurants sitting together eating their meals and I watch them. Sometimes it makes me sad. They don't even talk. Is it because they have nothing else to say, or can they simply read each other's mind by now?

The University of Google is where I got my degree from.

If you ask 99.9 percent of parents who have children with autism if we'd rather have the measles versus autism, we'd sign up for the measles.

I'm so scared girls look at my breast implants and think, 'To get boys, you need big boobs.' I tell them, 'Don't get it done. Those fears go away. You develop other insecurities, but breasts aren't one of them.' I want to get them half-size.