I view the United States, today, much like East Berlin. And I'm off the grid. I've tried for 20 years to warn the country about the Democrats and Republicans, and nobody's listening.

Remember something, if you will, about voting: Voting is not a horse race, you're not going there thinking "Gee, I gotta pick the winner so I can brag to my friends 'Oh, I picked so-and-so and he or she won'". Voting is voting your heart and voting your conscience and when you've done that, don't ever, EVER let a Democrat or Republican tell you that you've wasted your vote because the fact is, if you DON'T vote your heart and conscience then you HAVE wasted your vote.

Whenever the government says, 'It's time to move on,' that means there's something they don't want you to know about.

Donald Trump is finding out what I found out: when you run for office, you are not allowed to tell a joke.

They look like to carp going after the same piece of corn.

[the downfall of our political system is the] buying and selling of politicians...bribery. In the private sector, you're arrested for it. In the public sector, it's the norm.

I love fat people. Every fat person says it's not their fault, that they have gland trouble. You know which gland? The saliva gland.