A crime is a crime, regardless of what collar you wear.

I love fat people. Every fat person says it's not their fault, that they have gland trouble. You know which gland? The saliva gland.

I'm a warrior at heart; I'm an ex-Navy Seal. I'm too old to wage war anymore, and so now I wage it mentally. And so I find politics very stimulating; it's war without guns.

The prohibition of drugs causes crime. You don't have to legalize, just decriminalize it.

The Constitution guarantees us our rights to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. That's all. It doesn't guarantee our rights to charity.

Get every candidate to wear a NASCAR racing suit when they go debate; this way we can see how their sponsors really are.

If you're stealing a television, that should not be the death penalty.