I love fat people. Every fat person says it's not their fault, that they have gland trouble. You know which gland? The saliva gland.

If Jesus came back today, I think he'd throw up.

When you elect chicken hawks, chicken hawks take you to war.

Anyone can run for office. When I ran for Governor of Minnesota, the only requirement was that you had to be a state resident. I believe you had to be over thirty five years old, something like that. That's the way our country was founded. That anyone can run for office. That you're not required to be a lawyer, you're not required to be anything.

Al Gore in 2000. He got a half a million more votes than George Bush and lost. How can that be? It's ridiculous. It's an elitist system. It's so they pick your President. You don't - the people - and it needs to be abolished.

My position is that it isn't government's job to mandate patriotism. To me, mandating a pledge of allegiance to a government is something Saddam Hussein would do.

I'm not allowed on FOX, and I'm not allowed on MSNBC.