So I let my shame own me, kill me, wilt me away into a thousand dead flakes, knowing if I kept it all in, she would never have to learn the dirtiness that was forever inside me--the bad, the ugly, the twisted. She could go on living her life happy, just like she deserved.

I search my brain for the truth. “I want it more than anything, just as long as you promise me one thing.” “And what’s that?” “That if at any time it gets to be too much for you, you’ll leave me—walk away and get out.” “That will never happen,” he guarantees me. “You need to give me some credit. You left me, ripped out my heart, and then came back acting like a robot, and you know what? We made it through. You and I, good or bad, belong together. We make each other whole.

I sometimes feel like life is just one big test to see how long we can survive.

I've never felt like this before, with anyone. It's against the rules of surviving.

So she searches for light, only to realize it's in her, like an ember equipped to ignite.

That okay. I'll go find somewhere else to sleep." Her fingers wrap around my arm. "You don't have to go anywhere. I feel safe with you.

I walk out the door with a heavy feeling in my heart as another secret falls on top of it.