The letter of application ... should be a masterpiece of fiction, papering over all the cracks. Get it properly typed on decent writing paper. Never let it run over the page, people get bored with reading.

I love the long grass coming up to meet the willows.

The male - I have found - is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness and kindness, can be trained to do most things.

Without doubt, keep a diary. From the day you're born, keep a diary, because we all forget things so quickly.

it's a good idea to wait a few months before joining anything when you arrive at a village. A bookseller friend who retired to nearby Oxfordshire, and was worried he might be bored, got himself on to every village committee in the first six months, and spent the next ten years extricating himself.

I have a theory that the secret of marital happiness is simple: drink in different pubs to your other half.

The aristocrat, when he wants to, has very good manners. The Scottish upper classes, in particular, have that shell-shocked look that probably comes from banging their heads on low beams leaping to their feet whenever a woman comes into the room. Aristocrats are also deeply male chauvinist, and ... on the whole they tend to be reactionary.