I'm not in a recession. I'm doing very, very well. I'm doing incredibly well. I just want to be honest. I really am kicking ass.

If I'm not back in 5 minutes, just wait longer.

If I had never ventured beyond being a stand-up comic, then I would be sitting in my house today working on my Leonardo DiCaprio impression.

I wrote myself a check for ten million dollars for acting services rendered and dated it Thanksgiving 1995. I put it in my wallet and it deteriorated. And then, just before Thanksgiving 1995, I found out I was going to make ten million dollars for Dumb & Dumber. I put that check in the casket with my father because it was our dream together.

Ya know what I do almost every day? I wash. Personal hygiene is part of the package with me.

One thing I hope I'll never be is drunk with my own power. And anybody who says I am will never work in this town again.

In retrospect it always seems to work out that you can look back on something that was a disaster and find some gems in there.