If I had never ventured beyond being a stand-up comic, then I would be sitting in my house today working on my Leonardo DiCaprio impression.

I don't make it in regular channels, and that's okay for me.

150 people die every year from being hit by falling coconuts. Not to worry, drug makers are developing a vaccine.

People need motivation to do anything. I don't think human beings learn anything without desperation.

Ever since I started to get recognition I've picked out certain fans and reverse-stalked them.

When someone you love dies, you don't lose them all at once. You lose them in pieces over time, like how the mail stops coming.

The purpose of my life had always been to free people from concern, like my dad... How will you serve the world? What do they need that your talent can provide? That’s all you have to figure out... The effect you have on others is the most valuable currency there is. Everything you gain in life will rot and fall apart, and all that will be left of you is what was in your heart.