My father could have been a great comedian, but he didn't believe that that was possible for him, and so he made a conservative choice. Instead, he got a safe job as an accountant. When I was 12 years old, he was let go from that safe job, and our family had to do whatever we could to survive. I learned many great lessons from my father, not the least of which was that you can fail at what you don’t want, so you might as well take a chance on doing what you love.

My teacher in the seventh grade told me that if I didn't fool around during class, I could have 15 minutes at the end of the day to do a comedy routine. Instead of bugging everybody, I'd figure out my routine. And at the end of the day, I'd get to perform in front of my entire class. I thought it was really smart of her. It's amazing how important that was.

i'm a perfectionist, so i'm never satisfied with myself. i've always been psychotic about that kind of stuff--in a good way. i'm very disciplined. like the food and the whole thing, i'm always looking to "how can i eventually just turn into a ball of light and fly off the planet?". until that happens and God basically pull the blinds back, i will not be satisfied... if i found out that if i ate pine nuts for the next month i could see God, i'd be eating pine nuts.

Flowers don't worry about how they're going to bloom. They just open up & turn toward the light & that makes them beautiful.

Uh uh uh, turning the car into oncoming traffic... is counterproductive!

I want to be a positive force in the world, I would like to make people happy.

Well this is just a fist. But when I start throwing it around I can leave one hell of a mess.