Always say no to drugs. It will drive the prices down.

People who do stupid things with hazardous materials often die.

When we have an item that has value to the school and the athletic department, we cannot throw it away just to be fair.

On quiet nights, when I'm alone, I like to run our wedding video backwards, just to watch myself walk out of the church a free man.

Scientists have discovered a food that reduces a woman's sex drive by 99%. Wedding cake.

I don't believe in predestined fate. The future is what we choose to create.

I took the wife out last night; one punch!