In New York, there are so many potholes, they're like craters on the moon. That's another traffic thing.

The acting director of the Secret Service, Joseph Clancy, said they may make the fence around the White House taller because of the recent security failures. When asked if he had any other ideas, he said, 'Uh, make the sidewalk lower?'

I can't believe there are so many people who aren't us.

In a new poll of Democratic voters, presidential candidate Lincoln Chafee came in with zero percent support. Or in other words: We're all tied with presidential candidate Lincoln Chafee.

No-one gets beaten to death quite like Hilary Swank

The TSA's airport body scanners have been shown to be so ineffective, the Homeland Security chairman suggested using traditional metal detectors. While LaGuardia will continue to just have a scarecrow dressed as a cop.

The fans were so psyched that someone was doing a movie about a Boston fan that they were giving their all.