We have first lady Michelle Obama on the show tonight. As you'd expect, security's been pretty tight. On my way in I got five pat-downs, and that was just from Joe Biden.

You only think of the best comeback when you leave.

People ask me, Jimmy, howd you get here tonight. Lets just say it involved a two-hour make-out session with Elaine Stritch. It got pretty heavy actually, I almost had to host.

In a recent interview, John McCain addressed Trump's campaign rally in Arizona and said that he just quote, 'fired up the crazies.' Not to be confused with Trump's show 'Celebrity Apprentice,' where he just FIRED the crazies.

The White House is worried about Joe Biden's potential run for president, and a source says they fear that it wouldn't have the right outcome. That's right, they think he might win.

Yesterday on CNN, Joe Biden said he hasn't made up his mind about whether he'll run for president in 2016. Which raises the question: 'Who was raising that question?'

A massive power outage in Washington, D.C., today affected a number of federal buildings, including the White House. When asked when they could restore power to the White House, officials said, '2016?'