In her new book, Sarah Palin says she once gave up chocolate for an entire year just to prove she could do it. Still think she's not qualified to be President?

Listening is more important than talking. Just hit your mark and believe what you say. Just listen to people and react to what they are saying.

Thank you, yard sales, for being the perfect way to say to your neighbors: We think we're important enough to charge money for our garbage.

This morning my dad called me up and said, 'So, tonight's your last show, huh.' And I said, 'No, Dad, that's someone else.'

Yesterday, the White House confirmed that President Obama will meet with Pope Francis during his visit in September. Some experts are wondering if they'll discuss their disagreement over contraception. Then Joe Biden said, 'I didn't even know they were dating.'

According to a new report, since he's been governor, Chris Christie has spent $82,000 at a concession stand at MetLife Stadium. Now, I know it seems like the perfect story for a Chris Christie joke but I'm actually on a Chris Christie joke diet. So nothing for me, thanks.

When I see professional clowns, mimes, or people who makes ballon animals, I think of their relatives and how disappointed they must be.