Thank you 'adults who wear back packs' for letting me know that I don't have to take you seriously

During his weekly address to the nation, President Obama discussed higher education and said, 'The most important skill you can sell is your knowledge.' Or as English majors working at Starbucks put it, 'No it's not.'

The 'Tonight Show' didn't seem like an actual job that you could have. All you remember is you watched Johnny Carson, and you never thought he would retire.

MSNBC host Lawrence O'Donnell is saying Donald Trump lied when he said he made $20 million a year off his 'Apprentice' series on NBC. NBC also denied Trump's claim, saying, 'We don't have $20 million. We're NBC.'

After Donald Trump wrote Lindsey Graham's cellphone number on a piece of paper and showed it to everybody, Graham said he's getting a new phone. Which explains Lindsey Graham's latest campaign slogan, 'New phone, who dis?'

Hillary Clinton's younger brother Tony is facing criticism for using the Clintons' political connections to help his career. So on the down side, she has a sketchy brother named Tony. On the up side, she just locked up every vote in New Jersey.

Apparently President Obama's favorite cocktail is a martini. When asked how he likes it, he said, 'On the beach, in Hawaii, in 2017.'