You've never had a job that you thought was secure. You don't think the Tonight Show is risk free. Especially when you saw what happened with your buddy Conan O'Brien. There is always a Plan B.I am ready to apply to the post office.

Yesterday on CNN, Joe Biden said he hasn't made up his mind about whether he'll run for president in 2016. Which raises the question: 'Who was raising that question?'

President Obama said that if he could have any superpower, he'd want the ability to speak any language. That's so everyone in the world could tell him he picked one of the lamest possible superpowers.

It's Friday. That's one reason to celebrate. Also, it's the first day in a long time when no one declared they're running for president.

You run on the treadmill. But you need to stop watching The Food Network when you're doing it. That is how you torture yourself.

This is interesting. Researchers have found that people who drive drunk are more dangerous on the road than drivers who are high on marijuana. Don't get too excited. It's mostly because the drivers using marijuana are just sitting in the Taco Bell drive-through.

President Obama finally has his own personal Twitter account. Even John McCain said, 'Welcome to the Internet, grandpa.'