Don't keep reaching for the stars because you'll just look like an idiot stretching that way for no reason.

A new survey out says 64 percent of Americans own a smartphone. Which is interesting because in a related survey, 100 percent of smart phones say they own an American.

I don't shoot guns. I don't know how to do that. I grew Upstate New York, so I fought with my fists.

Today Russia announced that it will join America's fight with the terror group ISIS. Then Putin said, "But I did not say which side.

Thank you, horseradish, for being neither a radish nor a horse. What you are is a liar food.

L.A., its nice, but I think of sunshine and people on rollerblades eating sushi. New York, I think of nighttime, I think of Times Square and Broadway and nightlife and the city that never sleeps.

MSNBC host Lawrence O'Donnell is saying Donald Trump lied when he said he made $20 million a year off his 'Apprentice' series on NBC. NBC also denied Trump's claim, saying, 'We don't have $20 million. We're NBC.'