Over on the Democratic side, Martin O'Malley recently spoke about the need for Wall Street reform and said that he isn't running for president to be quote, 'wined and dined' by executives. Then Chris Christie said, 'And I am also not running to be wined.'

A new study found that women gain more weight after marriage, but men gain more weight after a divorce. Yeah, the divorce usually takes place after men point out that women gained more weight after marriage.

Arizona just became the 15th state to approve medical marijuana. So I give it three days before they stop caring about the whole immigration thing.

Apparently President Obama's favorite cocktail is a martini. When asked how he likes it, he said, 'On the beach, in Hawaii, in 2017.'

I got my shot at the movies. I love doing standup live. I didn't know what I wanted to do. I wanted to try movies, so I gave it a shot. I had two shots and I didn't really do it. That wasn't really happening for me. On the second movie I got to meet the girl that would be my wife. So I got to hang out with her and get engaged, and get the whole wedding thing. It was really great.

Honestly, I just want to keep people awake. Or at least give you one joke to go to bed with.

Sometimes I wish I had a terrible childhood, so that at least I'd have an excuse.