You run on the treadmill. But you need to stop watching The Food Network when you're doing it. That is how you torture yourself.

Donald Trump told ABC news that if he had Oprah as a running mate, they could easily win. Although you know who'd definitely win? Oprah WITHOUT Donald Trump.

I remember watching Soulja Boy on YouTube over and over again to prepare for it. For the first one, I was up all night in my kitchen, practicing the dance, because I knew I had to dance with Timberlake and that guy can dance.

Ben Carson actually lost a tooth. Which explains why he said that under his leadership, Americans would be entitled to 'life, liberty, and the purthuit of happineth.'

Donald Trump's campaign has raised about $100,000 in donations during the second quarter. Which raises an important question: Who is giving Donald Trump money? That's like giving your money to a pile of money.

Many people are noting the difference between Hillary Clinton's friendly public appearances and her blunt and direct Twitter account. Yeah, she's nice in person, and mean on the Internet. You know, kinda like EVERYONE.

The BP president said yesterday that the company would survive. That's like someone running over your dog and saying, 'Don't worry, my car is fine.'