Today President Obama gave a major speech where he defended his handling of the economy. And there were tons of people in the audience, you know, since nobody had to be at work.

Regis Philbin's back in primetime, hosting 11 new episodes of 'Who Wants To Be a Millionaire.' But because of Obama's tax plan, it's been re-titled 'Who Wants To Win Just Under $250,000.'

A new poll also shows that a majority of people in Colorado think Hillary Clinton is not trustworthy. Although, that's not saying much coming from the most paranoid state in America. 'Hillary Clinton? She's a cop?'

Thank you... motion sensor hand towel machine. You never work, so I just end up looking like I'm waving hello to a wall robot.

Despite Russia's move to raise interest rates this week, the value of the ruble has continued to crash. Russia's economy is so bad, Edward Snowden had to put government secrets on Craigslist.

Big news from last night's Republican debate, you guys. It turns out George Bush was actually the smart Texas governor.

A tell-all book by David Axelrod, one of President Obama's former strategists, reveals that Obama chose Joe Biden as his VP because of his energy and enthusiasm. You know, the qualities you look for in someone whose main job is traveling to state funerals.