After a six-year battle, the Senate will vote next week to begin construction on the Keystone XL pipeline, which is an oil pipeline that runs from Canada to the Gulf Coast. They're hoping the pipeline will provide enough oil to cover Kim Kardashian's next photo shoot.

John McCain addressed critics who believe he will be too old to run for a sixth term in the Senate, saying that he's still healthy and ready to go. Then people around McCain said, 'Why is he talking to that mannequin?'

When you were a kid, it [work in IBM] seemed like an awesome job. I'd get to go to work and have a briefcase. I loved how Dad wore a tie and got a car. I didn't know if all those things came together. I'd see my dad go off to work and we'd wait for him to come home, and we'd all be excited to see him.

[Writing a joke] there is no team of writers. It's just you in an office, staring at yourself in the mirror.

My dream was to grow up and get a job at IBM, like my dad. That seemed like a logical dream.

'Have fun' is my message. Be silly. You're allowed to be silly. There's nothing wrong with it.

I can't believe there are so many people who aren't us.