Fat people are brilliant in bed. If I'm sitting on top of you, who's going to argue?

I often tell audiences at the start of my shows that I'm not gay because I've got petitions from lesbian groups saying 'Can you tell people you're heterosexual because you're giving us a bad name.'

With two small children, I haven't had a wash since 2001 so the chance to go shopping is way down the list. It is something I do intend to get.

I think it's difficult, if you're a quite private person like I am, to write about your life very intimately.

Once you get labelled, people expect you to behave within the very narrow confines of that label.

I'm a real Kentish maid, you know.

Wild men are so enormously attractive.