Well, we can skip childhood because I didn't have any. Not one goddam moment on the Good Ship Lollipop.

I absolutely will not allow anyone to call me grandmother. They can call me Auntie Joan, Dee-Dee, Cho-Cho, anything but grandmother. It pushes a woman almost to the grave.

There was a saying around MGM: "Norma Shearer got the productions, Greta Garbo supplied the art, and Joan Crawford made the money to pay for both".

If I can't be me, I don't want to be anybody. I was born that way.

Dammit, don't you dare ask God to help me!

There's nothing wrong with my tits, but I don't go around throwing them in people's faces!

Box-office poison? Mr. Louis B. Mayer always asserted that the studio had built Stage 22, Stage 24 and the Irving Thalberg Building, brick by brick, from the income on my pictures.