I love you more than words. And I am a big fan of words.

I took a photo of us, mid-embrace. When I am old and alone I will remember that I once held something truly beautiful.

I bought a packet of Trojan® Ultra Pleasure Extra Sensitive condoms: ‘No. 1 in AMERICA’. They smell nothing like a positive first sexual experience.

There will be birds and if they write your name in the sky then you can get on the buses and if they don't you have to die on the floor.

Write a diary, imagining that you are trying to make an old person jealous.

For my last birthday, Dad bought me a pocket-sized Collins English Dictionary. It would only fit in a pocket that had been specially designed.

I would never say snog. I would say osculate." She looks at me as if to say: why do you exist?